There is no beginning and no end. This is a cycle of pain from which there is no escape. This is Valentine's Day, a movie which I have seen and which I can now quite confidently state is, in fact, the worst movie ever made.

To be more precise, Valentine's Day is 56 of the worst movies ever made. There are about a thousand characters in this movie, nearly all of whom are played by very recognisable celebrities, except for the one who is played by Topher Grace; their arcs are played in two-minute bursts, which are meant to be "connected" – characters meet each other, or are revealed to have known each other, or break up with each other, or start dating each other – but this is undermined by the fact that the scenes seem to have trouble connecting to each other even when they feature the same characters.